“When you start to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.”—
Today, I was cleaning out the office at work…and stumbled upon a box of floppy disks. I am almost certain that there is not a single computer in all of the Haas School of Business that carries a floppy disk drive. I’m gonna say it with pretentious confidence….”INDUBIDABLY!” *hold monocle in one hand and point with the other* lol I know I’m lame. I don’t even remember the last time I used a floppy disk drive…9th grade in high school (2003) maybe? Anyway…you’ll agree that they’re archaic things of the past especially with the top quality of today’s technology, right FLASH DRIVE?!?! WATTAP! lol
But before throwing anything out, I always want to double check with my supervisors. He saw the smirk on my face as I held up the flimsy little things, and his eyes agreed that the rational thing to do would be to throw them out. I’m pretty sure that one of the floppy disk was labeled, “I’m USELESS BUT TAKING UP SPACE..YIPEE!” However, he hesistated and decided to keep them. I can guarantee that these things will probably never be touched again, but he felt like we should keep them “just in case/just to be safe.” I shrugged it off and put it back in its place once I tidied up the area.
I thought it was silly for us to keep it when I’m positive that there’s no function in the sad future of those floppy disks. There’s no longer a purpose for them to serve. They’re dead. Dunzo. El fin.
But then I realized, I do it all the time. I keep things I no longer need/use…textbooks, notebooks, binders, clothes, shoes, X&Y trinkets, etc. etc. etc. Even the weirdest of useless crap. I think all the time…well maybe, just maaaaaybe, I might need those notes from X class sometime in the future. Four years later…have I touched them? Nope. And I do it ALL THE TIME. I’m sure many others do the same as well…lol with that one T.V. Show, “Hoarders,” as the prime example.
Why is that? Why is it so hard to let go of things that have once upon a time had MEANING in our lives? Even if we know that their purposes in our lives have long since been over. Why is it so hard to let go? I’ve thought about it…and I’m not just talking about material, physical items. It extends to intangibles as well…you can apply it to relationships of any kind even.
And I say it again…”Why is it so hard to let go?”…even if the physical and functional presence is now just a ghost of the past?
So I thought about it….and I think, at least for me, there’s a comfort in holding on. Knowing that there might be the tiniest sliver of hope that there will be use in its future, and believing that gives me this silly justification. It’s like the door should be closed, but you stuck your big fat stubby toe in between just to keep it barely cracked. Even if that hope is barely hanging by a pinky on the world’s steepest cliff, just one lift of that pinky, and that hope falls to its death. But hey..it’s surviving..it’s hanging nonetheless…and it’s still lingering in your life. We’ve made an investment in it at one point in our lives. You know that term, “diminishing returns”? My high school econ teacher demonstrated the concept by squeezing a lemon. In the beginning, you’ll squeeze a lot of juice out, but after some point, you’ll have squeezed the majority of the juice out that all you get are dwindling droplets. So even though we know the lemon probably has no more utility….we still hope for returns, squeezing every last droplet….gotta get every penny worth right? But that’s the thing….PENNIES!!! HECK ARE THEY WORTH ANYTHING THESE DAYS!?!? lol
I know I’m a bit dramatic in my illustrations…but you’ve felt that before right?
That hope…it’s a nice feeling because you feel safe and secure that if that tiny window of purpose opens up again despite the improbable likelihood…it’s there! But how often is that the case? If we keep hanging onto that hope from all those different things…it gets a bit crowded doesn’t it ? I know when I look at my room..I think, “Man..I’ve accumulated so much clutter. I need to get rid of some sh*t.” My bed is sometimes the worst…when I throw a bunch of crap on it, I think, “Damn…no space on the bed. Couch it is I guesss..” But damn the bed is so much comfier to sleep on, why settle for the couch? I mean I think about the “Hoarders’ ” reality, and even that is a packrat’s nightmare, accumulating so much junk that it gets to the point where you can’t assume daily functoin or live in your own home.
So I realize…while the hope is a nice feeling…it’s probably unrealistic to hang onto many of those things that clutter your room/life. We should probably take out our stubby little toe and let the door close, so we can look at the other doors God is opening. Empty your room and make space for newer things that will have newer and relevant purposes in your life.
And when I think about it that way..I understand that while letting go is hard, there’s a greater probability that better things will come into your life to fill that void rather than unrealistically hoping that void will fill itself with that archaic thing of the past - the corpse coming back to life like a phoenix rising from its ashes. Wouldn’t you rather want the newer, fresher edition in the flesh than keep entertaining the ghost? So let go and let it live in your memories. That’s a nicer home for it rather than letting it annoyingly crash in your room and take up space without paying you life value rent.
So why not let go, declutter, and make room for new things/opportunities that will fill your life with new meaning?
Lol it’s a silly revelation…but was surprisingly profound to me.
So thank you floppy disks! I think that was a nice final and ultimate purpose for you, even if it was metaphorical!
I was eating dinner with Gaby and bffED while watching The First 48, a show documenting the investigation process of real-life detectives trying to solve homicide cases. They say that the first 48 hours following are the most crucial, and if they don’t find a lead within that time frame, then the chances of solving the case is reduced by half.
Gaby said that usually the cases are shootings, but the one we watched was about a 22-year-old boy in Miami whose dismembered body parts floated ashore in separate black trash bags. The blood, goriness, and graphic displays don’t really get me, but the way in which the act was committed killed my appetite and made me feel sick to my stomach. It’s scary to think that we as humans are capable of committing the cruelest acts but to perform it with such an insensitivity and callousness….and actually believe that someone can chop up another person guilt-free…just makes me feel so sick and sad. It could have been an impulsive act…but to this day, the case has not been solved. No more leads…it’s hard to believe that no thought was put into it.
It is the human condition to suffer….tragedy yields appreciation and accentuates our blessings. Tragedy/struggles/challenges emerge as a venue for growth in love/heart/faith and build character. I know we are sinful beings, but it is inherent in our nature as human beings…to care (even from a distance for complete strangers). Our ability to relate and to connect with others is rooted in our emotions. So to be so removed from emotions and blindly commit such acts in the most inhumane fashion….hurts my heart.
They say that “the opposite of love is not hate but indifference.” For someone to hate X would require some degree of care for X. Otherwise, why would X matter…why would X demand your energy and time for you to experience the feeling of hate? Of course, I’m not condoning hate as a desirable or justified emotion, but it is a human one nonetheless. But to be indifferent, to just not care….to freely commit the most heinous of crimes and be completely indifferent…that, to me, is frightening.
I often wonder what leads someone down such a destructive path. I’m sure that I’m naive in my thoughts here and that there are probably a million social/emotional/economic circumstances that would condition/drive a person to such a stage of detachment. Biological predisposition? Perhaps. After taking so many neuro/psych classes, I feel like it is ingrained in my head that behavior is a product of the interaction between one’s biology and the environment. I have learned in my neuro classes that aggressive individuals tend to have overreactive amygdalas (a core center for emotional processing in the brain). The amygdala, one of our most primitive parts of our brain, serves to assess situations for basic survival. However, it can be our own worst enemy when it pulls off some emotional hijacking, overriding our thinking and drowning us in irrationality. Or as demonstrated by Phineas Gage, one of neuropsych’s most favorite patients, damage to the orbital frontal cortex (OFC) can result in flat affect. OFC plays an important role in social/emotional regulation. Tamping iron blasts straight through Phineas Gage’s OFC, and a man once praised for his efficiency and confidence transforms into a profane and irreverent drunk. I remember my neuropsych professor describing a modern-day case of OFC damage in which a man picked up a shotgun, shot a man whom he suspected was having an affair with his wife, and then greeted the neighbors a good day…all chipper, like it was no biggie.
In any case, emotions are necessary for our decision making. They’re not just social cues but also physiological cues and pieces of information that contribute to our decisions. I do believe that we are moral agents. I do feel like God points us in a direction and that He does have a plan for us, but ultimately our decisions and consequent actions are our own. I almost feel certain that those who reach that point of apathy lack God in their life. Well…I’m not saying that everyone who doesn’t believe in God is doomed to become destructive beings. I guess maybe it’s better to say…if not God, then a lack of faith/hope.
It seems so unfair sometimes, but what can we do but pray? I don’t know…I really believe that karma makes its way around. If justice isn’t served in this lifetime, then eventually with the big Guy up there.
I usually don’t like sharing these deeper, metaphysical thoughts, but after watching that show, I just felt so sick…it really just got me thinking. I don’t know how those homicide detectives see what they see on a day to day basis and sleep at night, but I praise them for their strength….definitely not for the faint of heart.
Ahhh…I still can’t help but believe in the goodness of others and believe the best in everyone. It’s a lot easier to look for the beauty over the ugly in people. Sigh.
Three people in BLD recommended Joyce Meyer’s Battlefield of the Mind. Sounds like it has some useful information. I have a copy in hand…looking to do some damage in the absence of my sad and dysfunctional laptop.
LARA READING FOR PLEASURE/FUN!?!?! WHAT!? BLASPHEMY!!!
“I still believe in paradise. But now at least, I know it’s not some place you can look for, ‘cause it’s not where you go. It’s how you feel for a moment in your life when you’re a part of something, and if you find that moment…
it lasts forever…”—
i like this…not because of paradise..but what the idea of paradise entails…peace and happiness! and in the end..the most important parts we remember is how something, someplace, someone…made us feel <3
“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.”—